Wow, it's been a long time since I've been here.  So much has changed.

West Nile Meningitis, bursitis, sciatica, celiac disease and corn intolerance; it's been a ride.

Since my very first entry, I have acquired ducks.  Muscovies, to be precise.  I started out with 22.  Twelve from a hatchery in Oklahoma, four fertile eggs from Ebay, and the rest I acquired from various homes in Southern Colorado as adult hens.  Some drakes I had to rehome, because I had to many of them from the original batch from Oklahoma, 4 hens I rehomed, some killed by predators.  Bear and bobcat. One had a leg injury that wouldn't heel and I had to have her put to sleep, and one died of natural causes.  I now only have 10 remaining ducks.  CC, Rachael, Agnes, Ethel, Rosie, Josie, Lilly, Ms Blue, Summer and Dotty.

I won't acquire more ducks.  It was super busy when I had the 22.  Now things are calmer and I don't have as much to do as I did back then.  My youngest will be seven years old this spring, the oldest, I don't know since you can't age a duck.  Summers are busy with hens wanting to be moms, a fun time for me and Rodger as we watch them grow up but also busy with me cleaning up after all of them.

And since that first entry I have 2 Maremma Livestock Guardian Dogs who are now 6 years old.  I acquired them after the first year and predators discovered that I had tasty ducks.  And of course Jack who taught my girls to like people and gives Rodger smiles.

So much has changed.  Yes, I'm much older but also much wiser.  Seriously, I am a totally different person.  Life has a way of pounding you down like hammering a nail into a log regardless of what you think.

I hope to stop in here more often.  I should.  I'm surprised I still have the link to this place.  Somehow over the years, I managed to shuffle it around and not entirely delete it.  That in itself is a miracle.

I was surfing the internet one night and found a movie on a spiritual journey titled Dreams Awake.      I ordered it and when it arrived, I watched over half of it and was not impressed.  No new information, nothing I didn't already know.  So it was several weeks later when I finished watching the movie.  But my interest was piqued when, near the end, the subject of tinnitus was broached.

At the end of the movie there was the normal credits and also something to the effect that this was only the beginning of the journey.  They instructed the viewer to go to such and such website to continue the journey and to use the key on the inside of the movie jacket.  I opened the jacket and sure enough there was a key code there.  So I visited the site.

It is all about tinnitus being a pathway to enlightenment.

I've had tinnitis since as far back as I can remember.  The older I get the louder the ringing in my ears gets.  There are times when I can't hear what someone is saying because the ringing is so loud.

On this website someone has transcribed the journal by a young man who is an archaeologist and his wife is an anthropologist who work at  numerous ancient archaeological sites in the Middle East in the mid 1930's.  He is given a book by a Middle Eastern man one day to read titled The Path of the Masters by Julian Johnson.

I looked up the book and found it isn't cheap but managed to secure one that wasn't to expensive.  When I got the book I noticed that there weren't many copies in circulation.  As if the first printing in 1939 it has had 16 printings as of this edition in 1997.  There were only a total 100,000 copies printed.

The author Julian Johnson, aka Radha Soami Satsang Beas is a student of an Indian Master, Majarah Sawan Singh.  It is an easy read book, not at all hard to understand to which I am thankful.

to be continued...

Quit Smoking

There are so many people who are trying to quit smoking this time of the year and my heart goes out to every one.  Most of the people who are giving advice are delusional, saying it takes a couple of days or weeks to quit.  That's horse pucky!!  If that were the case many more would have quit successfully rather than having a list of failures.

You may wonder how the topic of smoking has anything to do with my spiritual path.  Becoming more healthy and less dependent on substances that are addictive helps focus the mind on more important matters.  So here is my take on smoking.

I quit many years ago and was smoke-free for 12 years.  Then one night while drinking with friends I smoked a cigarette...after 12 years!!  I was hooked again and smoked for another 6 years before my husband and I quit about 7 years ago.

It was tough for me as I am sure it will be for you.  This won't be another pat-on-the-back article.  You've got some hard work ahead of you.  Absorb this though:  "It's going to be very difficult but I'm up to the challenge and it's going to work this time."

Secondly, don't pick up the first cigarette and you will never have to worry about the second.  That was my golden rule.

Do not allow anyone to smoke in the house.  Get rid of every ash tray.  All smoking (by others) should be done outside.

Don't believe the ads that say in a few weeks everything will be hunky dorey.  It takes only 3 days to get the nicotine out of your system but all the chemicals they put in cigarettes today make it very difficult to quit.  There are 599 different additives added to cigarettes made in the United States. Check Wiki, they list the ingredients.  Many of these additives are included to make it even more difficult to quit.  Go figure.

E cigarette are just as bad. No federal agency oversees the e-cigarette industry.  That's a fact. So manufacturers can put whatever they want in them to keep you coming back.  They don't care about your health, they only care about making money.

The first week is tough. The second week isn't any easier. Time is your worst enemy.  A minute seems like five.  In 30 minutes you will have thought about smoking a cigarette countless times.  Then you look at the clock and only ten minutes have passed instead of 30.  The thought of having to go through this torture for 24 hours causes a mild form of hysteria.  And there is no let-up.  Tomorrow is just as bad.  It goes on day after day, with each hour of each day dragging by so slowly.

You reason that if you could just have one cigarette to stop the madness you can survive just this day.  But with that one cigarette you now have to start all over again at day one.  So smoking that first cigarette is a very bad idea because it will lead to the second and the third.  Remember the golden rule.

Try not to think to far into the future.  It can cause an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness.  The thoughts that you can't go through this day after day goes through your mind over and over.  Instead, try to think of only this moment.  Keep bringing yourself back to the now.  Reassure yourself that you've made it this far and stop your thoughts from going any further.

Sleep becomes your only friend.  It is the only time you aren't craving a cigarette but once you wake up the battle continues until it's time to go to sleep again.

Stay away from smokers for at least a few months as best as you can.  Of course you may live with a smoker so keep in mind it will take about 30 minutes for the smoke smell to die down after your friends and family smoke a cigarette.  Keep your distance for that 30 minutes.

After the first 2 weeks you will probably be saying to yourself , "Why do I still want a cigarette?  I should be over this!"  Not so.  Remember those 599 different additives.  Remember the golden rule.

The only way you can see progress is by looking BACK to where you were 2 weeks ago in your struggle to stop smoking.  It is the only way you will see progress.  At a month, look BACK at where you were 2 weeks ago.  Continue this month after month.  Otherwise you will become discouraged because you won't feel and see the results.  So look BACK.  Keeping a journal might help so you can look back at previous entries.  A journal may also help you feel more committed to quit.

At 12 months, smoke free, I still wanted a cigarette.  I didn't crave one but I wanted one.  It was a weak want but a want is a want.  It wasn't until 18 months that the cravings were completely null and void.  Get it in your head that this may take 12-18 months to resolve.

Even now when someone lights up around me, on rare occasions it still smells good for a few minutes before I start gagging.  But I've quit successfully two times and I've learned my lesson the hard way.  I will never pick up a cigarette again.

Lastly, (wo) man up!!  Set the house rules and don't let anyone break them and don't apologize to anyone including yourself for making them.

The rest of the advice is what you've heard or read on many occasions.

Sunflower seeds
Suck on hard candy
Gum
Exercise, run or walk
A hobby or hobbies you enjoy using your hands and mind
Niconine Patch
Crossword or Sudoku puzzles or reading
Carry a worry stone and work it
Join a support group
Pray, if you are so inclined
Get out of the house and change your schedule from your former routine so you aren't home as much
Change those smoking times, i.e., do the dishes instead of smoking a cigarette at mealtimes
e-cigarette forum.com
Keep a journal or blog
Chantix®

These Changing Times

What to believe...there is so much information out there and everyone has a different opinion on what surrounds us and the plague of unfolding events full of turmoil.

Just in the past few weeks I've been presented with:  the president is bad, the president is good...we will ascend...we won't ascend...Earth will go through a readjustment period in the near future...or won't...we have white hats that are helping human civilization get back on track...civilization will continue as it always has...good extraterrestrials are on their way to help us...bad extraterrestrials are waiting to get us...we reincarnate...we don't.

What exactly is right?  What is civilization and Earth going through, if anything?  We hear on television and the newspapers of expected Earth changes.  Everyone speculating but no one  confirming anything.  Again, via the media we hear about how our societies around the world are deteriorating.  What they say between the lines is that there is no integrity amongst the people.  Lastly, we hear about how whole governments are crumbling due to financial systems going bankrupt.

I always hear, "These changing times."  What exactly is changing?  Is it really or is this just another ploy to frighten us into compliance?  Because of the fears we harbor we are ever more aware of how vulnerable we are.  What will happen if....?  Will I survive?  What will I have to give up if life, as I know it, changes?

Now more than ever most people are aware of their mortality.  They seek somewhere they can find comfort and answers.  Here in the United States anyway, most people identify with an organized group whether Christian, eastern, esoteric or alternative.  The rules are established and they feel more comfortable fitting into a fixed order, giving them the sense of having a spiritual home.   They sense they are  more in control of their lives both, while they are alive and after they die.  Within that religious or spiritual group they take what feels right and disregard rules that don't apply to their personal lifestyle.

Then there is the small percentage of people like me that don't fit in to established groups.  I am just as aware of my mortality as the above mentioned people.  And just like those people I seek definition and grounding.  But unlike those people I can't pick and choose within an established organization's set of rules for what fits me.

 As I said in my first post, I have tried on many beliefs from other groups.  And they have given me a wonderful foundation in which to build.  But from that point on, I'm  on my own.  It seems I'm freelancing more and more now.  The longer I am on this spiritual path the more I am finding the answers within me rather than what someone else tells me is true.  I am discovering my own unique form of spirituality.

I'm not saying my belief's are right for you but they are right for me.  And with every piece of knowledge I feel more grounded and sure of myself.  I fear less, and am more adventuresome.

My First Entry

This is a blog about my spiritual journey and how it pertains to my everyday life.  I am not a Christian, or Buddhist or Taoist or anything for that matter.  I was raised Christian, but it just never worked for me.  It took awhile but I finally realized it just wasn't a good fit.

Back in the 1980's I read everything I could find on spirituality beginning with Shirley Maclaine's books.  I can't give you a list of the books I've read over the past 25 years; there were so many and I never kept a list, but I've read some pretty far-fetched stuff as well as main stream stuff too. 

Then when the internet was born I joined some groups dealing with spiritual matters over the years.  But eventually, with each one, I would feel the fit wasn't quite right there either.  As a matter of fact I left another group just last week.  

I'm pretty open-minded so I don't feel threatened by new ideas.  Even if I don't believe something for myself, I can say, " Cool, that's an interesting idea."  But if it does sound interesting and doesn't go against my gut feeling and it's not immoral, I'm willing to try almost anything, at least for awhile until I can develop an opinion about by experiencing it. 

When I join a new spiritual group or read another book I try on the new beliefs like you'd try on a jacket.  I say, "Okay, that's an interesting perspective, lets go with it."  And I talk about it and wear it for a short time and sometimes it sticks and sometimes it doesn't. But at least I tried it. 

I used to be so afraid of just about anything I didn't understand.  I have to admit that.  But now, hell, the dark cabal, 4D or the bad ET's, just to name a few, don't scare me anymore.  The way I figure it is I've been coming here lifetime after lifetime; ignorant of all this stuff and I have never been deceived by some dark cabal or been trapped in some paradigm for thousands of years up until now.  Universe has taken care of me just fine so why not live my life and experience as much as I can and let Universe continue to do just that. 

I watched a short Eckhart Tolle clip the other day.  In it he says that every thought is an energy form and therefore negative thoughts are energy bombs or hostile entities that attack our life; because our negative thoughts will attract negative events and people to us.

Wow, what a thought!  So if I'm afraid of being deceived or falling into a trap, that is exactly what will happen.  If I think the whole world is full of bad people and there are no good people, I will attract bad and negative people to me.  If I think I am a klutz then I will be a klutz.  If I hate being alive, then I will hate living.

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I wish there was a place I could fit in.  A place I could call home rather than just another stepping stone but maybe that's just part of my path on this journey I'm on.  So I ask myself, "What now?"  What is the next step in my spiritual journey?  Another book or group it would seem.  But for now I am content to sit back and start this blog.

Reference:  Eckhart Tolle Clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbj4nLOPN8o&feature=player_embedded#!